the good and honourable man's handbook - chapter 1

This is a follow-up to my past post in which I apologized for apalling behaviour of my fellow men.
Here I will try to describe the conduct of a good and honourable man. Perhaps its an exercise in futility, because one might argue I'm only wasting my breath, and it's not going to change shit in the world.
But the point of this post and of the ones that will hopefully follow is to give us a glimpse of something that's good... of something we should all strive to become and of something we should demand of ourself and others.

So what is a good and honourable man? Does he exist? I believe that a part of him exists in most men. In some, more so than others, and then in some others... perhaps he doesn't dwell at all.

So what are the hallmarks of a good and honourable man? It's what he believes in. It's how he conducts himself and how he reacts to situations. A man's true mettle is displayed only when a situation gives him a chance to make a choice. The choice he makes, whether it's visible to others or not, speaks volumes of his character.

A few things immediately spring to mind -
A good and honourable man respects other similar men.
A good and honourable man respects women.
A good and honourable man respects himself.
A good and honourable man never NEVER takes advantage of a woman's need.
A good and honourable man never NEVER utilizes underhanded tactics to get what he wants.
A good and honourable man is very strong, but never uses that strength to do harm. Here I don't speak of physical strength - but rather that of character.
A good and honourable man never strays from the path of righteousness.
A good and honourable man loves one woman and makes her happy.
A good and honourable man always ALWAYS marries the woman he loves.
A good and honourable man never cheats on the woman he loves.
A good and honourable man provides a good home for his wife and child.
A good and honourable man strives to provide the best life for his wife and child.
A good and honourable man never NEVER hurts somebody knowingly.
A good and honourable man never NEVER destroys another's home.
A good and honourable man never treads on the less fortunate.

This is but a beginning. There are many more characteristics I will list here and all of them will be as important as the ones listed above.

I don't claim to possess all the characteristics listed above, but I strive to do so each and every day, and I look up to men who do possess these traits.

I apologize

I apologize on behalf of all Indian men to all the women in the world. To all women who have ever encountered a man from the Indian subcontinent and known him personally, I apologize. To any woman who's been used, been taken advantage of, manipulated or dishonoured in any way. Some of the apalling things that have been done can't be remedied ever, leave alone with an apology... but I apologize nonetheless.
The Indian man, and all the men from the surrounding countries - SriLanka, Nepal (shiteating bastards), Pakistan, Bangladesh etc are more often than not sex-starved sleazy bastards who'd shag anything that wears a skirt and moves. For that I apologize. Word of advice - don't trust any one of them.
Then I extend the scope of my apology to men all over the world.
I feel disgusted with all the shit that's gone down over the past, with all the shit that continues to go down each and every day. That hurts so many people and ruins so many lives. I apologize for all of it, on behalf of all of them. I apologize for the innocence that's been destroyed, for all the beauty that's been defiled. It makes me sick, I suffer of it... it plagues my waking moments. I feel remorse, anger, disgust. I apologize from the depth of my soul. I am truely sorry.

confessions of a kleptomaniac

Hi - my name is probably me, and I am a kleptomaniac. This is a line I would have probably spoken in a kleptomaniacs anonymous meeting some 17 years ago.
Yes, I was a klepto in those days. I didn't have a severe case of it though, it was just a pretty muddled phase of my life. And so much so that I am probably going to be overcompensating for it for the rest of my life.
So what triggered this confession, or for that matter, this trip down this particular bylane of my memory? It was this article I read in today's newspaper about the illness. I tried to find it online for the benefit of the visitors to the blog, but unfortunately I was not able to locate it, so I'm going to have to pen down what I remember of it.
Basically the article mentioned that only about 5% of people who habitually steal suffer from the illness. Kleptomania is a compulsive need to steal. It's a situation where the person can't help themselves. One of the main reasons sited for people habitually stealing was the high they got from doing something wrong, especially where there was the danger of getting caught. In many cases, the stealing is not related to need - in fact many perpetrators come from affluent families and don't need to steal. But stealing for a kick or a high is not kleptomania. That's the remaining 95% of the people who steal.
What causes Kleptomania then? Usually a psychological imbalance. It's a person's way of coping with some problems they have in their life.
Most interestingly, the illness has a duration. It seems that it runs its course for 16 years (I'm guessing that's an upper limit). Very very interesting. That seems about the right time frame for a person to grow out of a habit or to get out of a phase of their life. Also, most of the people who suffer from kleptomania are usually young - likely to be children.
So what was my brush with kleptomania? I used to steal stuff from other kids. Nothing major in hindsight - erasers, pencils, etc. Occasionally I'd get my hands on a book or a comic. The embarrassment caused to my parents on more than one occasion still sends shivers down my spine. And now I wonder why I did it at all - it was certainly not because I did not receive a good upbringing. In many cases it was a way to avenge something bad I suffered... if a kid is mean to you, take revenge by knicking their geometric instruments box :) But in a few cases, it was just a case of me being mean to somebody who was not at fault. Usually remorse would follow.
A couple of times, I also shoplifted in bookstores. in fact, once I was even caught. But that was more for the thrill of getting something for free than anything else.
If I was indeed a sufferer of kleptomania, I guess the illness has run its course by now, and I have been dry for the past few years.

dandruff, hair and another stupid advert

Continuing with the series of stupid adverts that have seriously infected the airtime nowadays, here's another gem.

The product... an anti-dandruff shampoo... marketed by Unilever.
The advert... a young film actor playing the drums very animatedly. The shots are cleverly separated... the guy's head and upper arms are shown while he drums at a very fast tempo... then a couple of hands are shown doing the actual drumming. The focus of course, is on the guy's hair. Then the whole picture is revealed... this guys is playing "air drums" while another guy sitting a few feet away is playing the actual drums, ostensibly making the sound. The punchline is "drums by Sirumani (the drummer's name).... hair by ".
After the customary spiel about how frequent use of the shampoo reduces dandruff by "up to" 50% (fingers down my throat here), the actor remarks... "dandruff... what is that?". At this point, the drummer, who's wearing shades and a bandana on his head, removes the bandana and reveals a clean shaven pate. He replies moving his hand over his head - "you're asking ME?". Seems like a clever advert, doesn't it? Not really, if you understand that dandruff is really a scalp condition, and not a hair condition. Even bald or clean shaven people can have dandruff. Really irritates me whenever the advert is aired.
And please don't get me started about the "up to" x% reduction in dandruff part that all anti dandruff shampoos use so prominently. Advertising regulations should mandate that anytime any advert advertises the maximum limit of their benefits, they should also highlight the minimum. "up to 50%", to me says that it can be 0% as well. So why the fuck would I buy the product? Plus "up to x%" can be very easily defended, and easily proved. If I have a 2% reduction in my dandruff because of the shampoo and take bloody Unilever to court for false advertising, they can easily say that 2% is covered in their "up to 50%" promise.
If anybody from any of these FMCG companies is reading this, please spread the word within your organization... your consumers are not total idiots... don't treat them as such.

physiology of love

In an earlier post, I had written about the chemistry of love, and how chemicals called neurotransmitters play a pivotal role in the feelings we experience in the various phases of love.
Today I came across an article in the online edition of the Times of India which talks about some other interesting physiological aspects of love. I could have given the link, but I figured the article might be taken offline when it suits their needs, and I'll have a dead link on my hands. Hence I am reproducing the article in its entirety. I don't know who the copyright belongs to, but the source is the Times of India... have a nice interesting read...

Lust vs Love

Sex and romance may seem inextricably linked, but the human brain clearly distinguishes between the two, according to a new study.

The results of brain scans may be the answer to long standing questions of whether the pursuit of love and sex are different emotional endeavours or whether romance is just warmed-over sexual arousal.

"Our findings show that the brain areas activated when someone looks at a photo of their beloved only partially overlap with the brain regions associated with sexual arousal," said Arthur Aron of the State University of New York-Stony Brook. "Sex and romantic love involve quite different brain systems."

Left side, right side...

The study was small, however, involving 17 young men and women, all of whom had recently fallen madly in love.

They filled out questionnaires while their brains were hooked up to a functional magnetic resonance imaging system. Romance seems to steep in parts of the brain that are rich in dopamine, a chemical known to affect emotions.

These brain regions are also linked by other studies to the motivation for rewards.

"To our surprise, the activation regions associated with intense romantic love were mostly on the right side of the brain, while the activation regions associated with facial attractiveness were mostly on the left," said Lucy Brown of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

The study also revealed that as a romance matures, so does the mind.

"We found several brain areas where the strength of neural activity changed with the length of the romance," Brown said. "Everyone knows that relationships are dynamic over time, but we are beginning to track what happens in the brain as a love relationship matures."

Love wins...

The processing of romantic feelings involves a "constellation of neural systems". The researchers, neuro-scientists, anthropologists and social psychologists declare love the clear winner versus... sex in terms of its power over the human mind.

"Romantic love is one of the most powerful of all human experiences," said study member Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University. "It is definitely more powerful than the sex drive."

Fisher said the study might suggest some of the physiology of stalking behaviour. Other studies suggest that up to 40 per cent of people who are rejected in love slip into clinical depression, she said.

"Rejected men and women in societies around the world sometimes kill themselves or someone else," Fisher said.

In animals too...

There are hints in the study that romance is not a uniquely human trait. Some of the changes seen with mature romances were in regions of the brain also associated with pair-bonding in prairie voles.

Other studies have found that expressions of attraction in a female prairie vole are linked to a 50 per cent hike in dopamine activity in the brain region that corresponds to the location where human romance is processed.

"These and other data indicate that all mammals may feel attraction to specific partners, and that some of the same brain systems are involved," Fisher said.

Fascinating stuff ...

where has the smile gone?

Yesterday I wondered briefly before I went to sleep - when was the last time I had a genuine worry-less happy smile gracing my lips. Not as far back as I can remember.
I think everybody has the God-given right to have a genuine smile on their lips, and in their hearts. It's what makes life worth living.

stagnation

Best word to describe how I perceive my situation.
Though I have moved to a new unit recently, my impatience builds within me and threatens to push me to drastic steps time and again.
My onsite trip might be delayed even further, if at all it happens. After kicking ass at the new training and demonstrating the value I can add, I still don't see any concrete plans crystallizing for me.
All the enthusiasm I had built up in the past few days is waning fast because it seems as if I am no longer moving towards my goal. At times like these I start questioning what the fuck I'm doing. Feels like I'm wasting my time doing sod all when I should be striving to achieve so much more. These bastards don't realize that a month's delay in my plans is another month of my life totally wasted, and I'm not getting any younger. I have places to go, things to do and people to meet... and this stupid shit job is really holding me back from doing all that really matters.