the war is upon me
Right - I'm back home now. To be honest, being in a a really shitty city, put up in a crappy hotel and working in a really depressing office were all contributors to amplifying the extreme anxiety I was feeling.
I couldn't wait to get back - I got on the first available flight on the weekend. Even reached the airport 5 hours early! Pacing up and down the airport lounge, luggage in tow, gazing at the departures board hundreds of times - time seemed to drag on too slowly. Yet, it was infinitely better than being stuck in the hotel room with just my thoughts and a feeling that nothing was happening to make the situation better.
Friday saw a real struggle to get the assignment terminated, and it was only by a large amount of perseverance and clever manoeuvering was I able to get the nod for my immediate travel. How could I ever explain the real reason - that I couldn't do even a bit of work, the condition I was in?
Arriving home at the airport was an immediate relief and getting back to the house filled me with renewed hope.
Sure there're still waves of anxiety - but they're not as strong. My hair are bearing the brunt of my anxiety though - yesterday when I shampooed, I was getting handfuls out everytime I brushed my hands through the lather. Feels like I'm on chemotherapy.
However, I have convinced myself that things will be fine. Plus the fact that I am getting about sorting my visa out is an added bonus!
A mate from the UK has sent me the letter I require. It should reach me shortly. 4 passport-size photos for the visa application - clicked yesterday. Visa application centre was closed yesterday without any note on when they'll open again. But I'll call them regularly to make sure I get in first day they open!
Yesterday - a quick nervous call to her to wish her a happy holiday season. Felt good to hear her voice again. She didn't seem angry with me for calling. I kept it quick as planned.
Today onwards, I work on the powers-that-be within my employer to see if anything can be done to get me transferred to the UK. Until now all avenues explored have turned out to be cul-de-sacs. But where there's a will, there should be a way. Keeping on beating at the wall is the only way I don't collapse and give up on everything.
The next few days shouldn't see much in way of development on any front. But they should avail themselves to getting a lot of things started - especially on the visa and the transfer front.
I couldn't wait to get back - I got on the first available flight on the weekend. Even reached the airport 5 hours early! Pacing up and down the airport lounge, luggage in tow, gazing at the departures board hundreds of times - time seemed to drag on too slowly. Yet, it was infinitely better than being stuck in the hotel room with just my thoughts and a feeling that nothing was happening to make the situation better.
Friday saw a real struggle to get the assignment terminated, and it was only by a large amount of perseverance and clever manoeuvering was I able to get the nod for my immediate travel. How could I ever explain the real reason - that I couldn't do even a bit of work, the condition I was in?
Arriving home at the airport was an immediate relief and getting back to the house filled me with renewed hope.
Sure there're still waves of anxiety - but they're not as strong. My hair are bearing the brunt of my anxiety though - yesterday when I shampooed, I was getting handfuls out everytime I brushed my hands through the lather. Feels like I'm on chemotherapy.
However, I have convinced myself that things will be fine. Plus the fact that I am getting about sorting my visa out is an added bonus!
A mate from the UK has sent me the letter I require. It should reach me shortly. 4 passport-size photos for the visa application - clicked yesterday. Visa application centre was closed yesterday without any note on when they'll open again. But I'll call them regularly to make sure I get in first day they open!
Yesterday - a quick nervous call to her to wish her a happy holiday season. Felt good to hear her voice again. She didn't seem angry with me for calling. I kept it quick as planned.
Today onwards, I work on the powers-that-be within my employer to see if anything can be done to get me transferred to the UK. Until now all avenues explored have turned out to be cul-de-sacs. But where there's a will, there should be a way. Keeping on beating at the wall is the only way I don't collapse and give up on everything.
The next few days shouldn't see much in way of development on any front. But they should avail themselves to getting a lot of things started - especially on the visa and the transfer front.
posted by the grim sleeper at 7:00 PM
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