She's leaving me
Yes - my worst fears seem to be materializing even as I stand helplessly without being able to do anything to stop it!
The grief is palpable - choking my throat. The fact is everywhere. It's in my work, in my meetings, in conversations I have, in the food that refuses to slip down my unwilling throat, in all my waking moments and in my sleep. Everything reminds me of her and nothing helps take my mind off the coming disaster. And my hands are tied. I need to be with her right now. But that's something I am unable to achieve without proper visa documentation. And that'll take time. This couldn't have come at a more inopportune time. I could not have been more helpless.
I can only watch as she drifts away from me and keeps trying to hide the fact that she's losing interest - that she's given up.
I keep sending her long emails. And her replies are terse and avoid talking about how she's feeling.
She's going home now - for 3 weeks. It's always been a bad thing for us. Everytime she's home, she feels the pull of her past weakening her ties with UK, with me. This time around, I'm not going to be there when she returns. And she'll announce her decision about us as I beat helplessly at the walls keeping her from me - both physical and emotional.
This is a dead man walking. A ghost, a shell. It ain't going to be pretty. It's going to be a right mess. And I can only stand by and watch helplessly while it happens.
The grief is palpable - choking my throat. The fact is everywhere. It's in my work, in my meetings, in conversations I have, in the food that refuses to slip down my unwilling throat, in all my waking moments and in my sleep. Everything reminds me of her and nothing helps take my mind off the coming disaster. And my hands are tied. I need to be with her right now. But that's something I am unable to achieve without proper visa documentation. And that'll take time. This couldn't have come at a more inopportune time. I could not have been more helpless.
I can only watch as she drifts away from me and keeps trying to hide the fact that she's losing interest - that she's given up.
I keep sending her long emails. And her replies are terse and avoid talking about how she's feeling.
She's going home now - for 3 weeks. It's always been a bad thing for us. Everytime she's home, she feels the pull of her past weakening her ties with UK, with me. This time around, I'm not going to be there when she returns. And she'll announce her decision about us as I beat helplessly at the walls keeping her from me - both physical and emotional.
This is a dead man walking. A ghost, a shell. It ain't going to be pretty. It's going to be a right mess. And I can only stand by and watch helplessly while it happens.
posted by the grim sleeper at 9:22 PM
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