barely afloat
That's how I see myself at the moment. Yesterday I came to know that my woman's seriously considering breaking up with me - something I felt was coming for some time now. Each day over the past couple of weeks has brought with it new realizations of exactly how much she means to me. It's true - you best realize the value of what you had when you don't have it any more.
In a frantic desperate burst to survive, I have started jettisoning things of lesser importance. A high-profile 3 month assignment at HQ. History as of yesterday. Chances to positively influence the way my career would shape in the next few years - probably set back a couple of years. A home I love very dearly and a country which I am deeply attached to - come second.
I have requested a posting in the country where I can be with her - at least until the madness is over - one way or the other. If not via a work permit, I will pursue my trip through a tourist visa. The earned leaves accumulated over the years - all about to be wiped out for a greater cause. Preparation to have loss of pay after that too. Both will be detrimental to my performance appraisal at work - but that's far from my main concerns at the moment.
A small pot of savings carefully and lovingly accumulated for my second life - my research - a pot to be heartlessly decimated.
But if I live and am strong, all these things can be regained. With her at my side, I can do it all, all over again. Without her all these things seem hollow and devoid of meaning or purpose.
I might be hamstrung in this fight, but this is a fight this man is going to fight till the bitter end. I'm betting all I have on it - I have to succeed. There can't be an alternative.
At the end - a word of appreciation for my dear friend. As always, you've been a brother to me yet again in your moral support. You're one of the few things I have to be thankful for at the moment.
In a frantic desperate burst to survive, I have started jettisoning things of lesser importance. A high-profile 3 month assignment at HQ. History as of yesterday. Chances to positively influence the way my career would shape in the next few years - probably set back a couple of years. A home I love very dearly and a country which I am deeply attached to - come second.
I have requested a posting in the country where I can be with her - at least until the madness is over - one way or the other. If not via a work permit, I will pursue my trip through a tourist visa. The earned leaves accumulated over the years - all about to be wiped out for a greater cause. Preparation to have loss of pay after that too. Both will be detrimental to my performance appraisal at work - but that's far from my main concerns at the moment.
A small pot of savings carefully and lovingly accumulated for my second life - my research - a pot to be heartlessly decimated.
But if I live and am strong, all these things can be regained. With her at my side, I can do it all, all over again. Without her all these things seem hollow and devoid of meaning or purpose.
I might be hamstrung in this fight, but this is a fight this man is going to fight till the bitter end. I'm betting all I have on it - I have to succeed. There can't be an alternative.
At the end - a word of appreciation for my dear friend. As always, you've been a brother to me yet again in your moral support. You're one of the few things I have to be thankful for at the moment.
posted by the grim sleeper at 6:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home