same shit different day
A phrase a colleague of mine used to colourfully describe his current affairs when I asked the customary "How's it going?". What a succinct and wonderful way to describe most of the things that happen most of the days.
But today this has a whole new meaning. A dreaded email. Once more the shit in my love life has hit the fan. Once more impatience has gotten the best of a good woman, and things are headed south for us.
A phonecall later on might confirm it or stave it off. I don't know. Meanwhile my long time friend - weariness is paying me a sustained visit.
I am totally weary... I am not sure I have the strength to fight it out any more. Of course, it's a totally different matter of whether or not I can trust her at all and whether or not it's worth it at all. If 2 months can wear her thin, what's the whole frigging point?
My heart aches with a dull pain. The wound is mortal, but this time I'm not thrashing about as before thanks to my weariness. The end will come, but it will be a slow and sure one.
I feel like dropping everything and moving to the sanctuary of home, as I did before (which probably saved my sanity then). There are flashes of previously unthought-of recourses to companionship... that of an arranged match. Maybe there's a chance with that cute girl back in my office in Pune. On second thoughts, she'd probably turn me down and the anti sexual harrassment police would can my sorry ass on the top of it. I can see that my old insecurities are back as well.
Perhaps I'll just go back to the UK and try to give it one more try, linger on if unsuccessful... and try elsewhere.
Don't know. Hell... don't even know if I'll be in any state to do anything after we sort it out.
I'll probably need a rebound and I'll be stuck in a place where they don't exist.
There's shit everywhere... it's just the day that has changed.
But today this has a whole new meaning. A dreaded email. Once more the shit in my love life has hit the fan. Once more impatience has gotten the best of a good woman, and things are headed south for us.
A phonecall later on might confirm it or stave it off. I don't know. Meanwhile my long time friend - weariness is paying me a sustained visit.
I am totally weary... I am not sure I have the strength to fight it out any more. Of course, it's a totally different matter of whether or not I can trust her at all and whether or not it's worth it at all. If 2 months can wear her thin, what's the whole frigging point?
My heart aches with a dull pain. The wound is mortal, but this time I'm not thrashing about as before thanks to my weariness. The end will come, but it will be a slow and sure one.
I feel like dropping everything and moving to the sanctuary of home, as I did before (which probably saved my sanity then). There are flashes of previously unthought-of recourses to companionship... that of an arranged match. Maybe there's a chance with that cute girl back in my office in Pune. On second thoughts, she'd probably turn me down and the anti sexual harrassment police would can my sorry ass on the top of it. I can see that my old insecurities are back as well.
Perhaps I'll just go back to the UK and try to give it one more try, linger on if unsuccessful... and try elsewhere.
Don't know. Hell... don't even know if I'll be in any state to do anything after we sort it out.
I'll probably need a rebound and I'll be stuck in a place where they don't exist.
There's shit everywhere... it's just the day that has changed.
posted by the grim sleeper at 4:07 AM
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